I was sitting in The Den on Tuesday, thinking about how to finish part two of a column that I began last week concerning not-so-classic movie quotes, when I got hit by inspiration. And as any Tenacious D fan will tell you, the search for "inspirado" is a sacred and holy one, so I felt it best not to ignore this sudden surge of an idea.
Sometimes, you have to look within to figure out what you want to write about (within the pages of The Towerlight in this instance). I was eating my Sbarro and reading Evan Porter's column on the types of people you come across while in class. I thought it would be a great idea to offer my services by providing everyone with a field guide to the types of people you will most likely come across during a trip to the movie theater.
First up is the "Fanboy" or "Fangirl." You can easily recognize these guys and gals as the ones in the extravagant costumes while wielding replica props from their favorite movies, television shows and comics. If there's a dungeon or a dragon involved, there's certain to be one present.
Your best bet for seeing one of them will usually be at midnight screenings or opening weekends, specifically for sci-fi or fantasy films. I had the pleasure of seeing "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" with a whole group of these people. I found it especially entertaining when one of them got up and ran down the aisles of the theater whilst holding a giant plastic sword in the air, yelling, "For Gondor!" The Fanboy/girl's favorite movie is either "Star Wars" or "Star Trek," and they're likely to fight anyone to the death who's of the other opinion (I've gotta back the "Star Wars" guys on this one).
Next is the guy I like to call "Chad SixPack." He proudly displays his letters of Lamda Lamda Kappa or Wanna Buya Natty and can often be heard asking, "What comes before Part B? Partaaaaaaaay!" It's not uncommon for him to drag his girlfriend to movies like "The Transporter" or "The Fast and the Furious," and last year for Halloween, he was Owen Wilson. You can find him sitting way in the back of the theater, snacking on Sour Patch Kids and sipping his $6 Cherry Coke.
What's interesting about Chad is that he doesn't have a favorite movie. It's always changing and usually something that's come out within the past six months. His movie shelf at home is adorned with movies like "Wedding Crashers," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Crank."
These first two types of people are very common at your mainstream theaters - your AMCs and your Loews. But there's another type that many will never see - the OmniCritic. While you go to the theaters, they go to the cinemas. They don't own movies like you or I - they own films. The standard fare that most mainstream theaters provide isn't enough for them. No, they frequent places like The Charles in downtown Baltimore or the American Film Institute Theater in Silver Spring, where artsy and independent movies (excuse me, films) are shown. Brown leather vests, unkempt facial hair, and scarves are the hallmarks of the OmniCritic. They rolled their eyes when their friends convinced them to go see the midnight premiere of "The Dark Knight" this summer, feeling they were stooping to the god-forsaken level of mainstream (though they knew that this was exactly where they wanted to be that night).
They'll tell you their favorite movie is something by Jean-Luc Godard or any other director from the French New Wave. But in reality, they secretly go weak in the knees for Quentin Tarantino (just like the rest of us wannabe indie-consumers).
What about me? I suppose I should turn this judgmental spotlight back towards myself (he says at the END of his article).
I am all of the above. If someone told me that there would be a marathon screening of "Star Wars" on Tuesday night (my column writing night), there probably would not be a Fade To Black on Thursday.
And I LOVE action movies. There's a scene in "Face/Off" where John Travolta and Nicolas Cage are respectively driving a helicopter and a Cessna plane down a runway, shooting guns out of their side windows while trying to prevent each other from taking off. Does it get any better than that?
And as for The Charles? I've only been once, but I would go all the time if I had the means. I am an artsy, ambiguous, snobby film major, after all. Plus I'm a writer, and that just makes everything 10 times worse.
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