The Bed Post: Pleasurable jobs in the recession
Hello everyone. Hope you had a wild weekend.
Happy to be back to school and work? I bet you are.
Unless, that is, you’re part of the masses who are having a very difficult time getting a job in this recession.
Bad economy left you jobless? Don’t sweat it. I know three jobs that are always hiring!
While the salary isn’t always consistent and the working conditions can change, the work is always pleasurable.
Depending on your experience and previous work, you need to start at entry level and work your way up.
So for all of you recent graduates, you should probably start with the handjob. This position would be best filled by anyone who pays attention to detail and is good with, well, his or her hands. I’d recommend bringing lotion to work with you, to make the glide easier.
Start with your hand at the base of his penis, and while making a fist around his shaft, slowly move your hand toward the tip and back down again.
While increasing speed, you can vary your grip tightness as well. Some boys prefer it faster, slower, tighter, looser, two hands, one hand, etc. Mess around; you’ll be able to tell how he likes it when he delivers.
Mastered the handjob? It’s time for a promotion.
The blowjob, perfect for someone who can multitask and loves to work extra hard, takes a bit more honing of your skills.
My advice is to combine what you learned while perfecting the handjob with the job requirements of the blowjob. Who doesn’t love to be teased? Start by kissing down his chest and stomach and licking circles around his hipbones.
Lick his penis lightly and softly before slowly taking the entire shaft into your mouth.
Now, hope you’ve been working on ignoring your gag reflexes because depending on his size; he could be hitting the back of your throat. After getting him wet with your saliva, add your hand and mimic the up and down motion from your previous employment. Increase speed and style – add swiveling or deep throat to mix things up. If you use teeth, you’ll be fired. Have him warn you before he gets off, or else it can be a messy surprise.
You’re climbing the corporate ladder and it’s time to move up into management.
The rim job takes a lot of guts and is best for someone who doesn’t mind trying new things or stepping out of one’s comfort zone.
Are you squeamish? This job is not for you. However, if you’re as freaky as they come, go for it.
The male g-spot is in the anus and paying attention to this sensitive spot often has great results. While performing the duties of the blowjob, head down south, trace your tongue down his testicles. Some light sucking will be a great way to prep for what’s coming up next. Move further down and trace your tongue around his anus. Enter if you’re really dedicated and vary your speed and depth based on his reaction.
You’ll know right away if this job is pushing it and should probably check that with your employer before you even attempt it. Insert a finger for more stimulation.
So there you have it. A list of three very rewarding jobs that are always hiring.
All you have to do is be a dedicated employee who is good with their hands, pays attention to detail and loves going that extra mile to please their boss.
Is it pay day yet?
Add another notch,
Lux
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i really do hope this is only online because if its in the newspaper and a parent visiting reads this their kid wont be applying here…..
This is appalling. The writer and any editors who allowed this to be posted should be supspended from the paper and possibly from school.
It looks like “Your name” needs an update. The Towerlight is a completely independent student newspaper and has the right to publish whatever they want within the bounds of laws governing the media. While some (hell, maybe even most) may find the content offensive, there is nothing preventing them from publishing it, nor should there be. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
So encouraging safer sex practices and offering some tips warrants suspension from school? You serious? It’s not like she’s running around screaming “PUT YOUR DICK IN EVERY ORIFICE, NO CONDOMS ALLOWED, SEX ALL NIGHT.” Lighten up.
I would have to say that I personally like the column that comes every Monday. But today’s was a little disturbing. I completly understand that this is a college campus, and sex should be a natural thing, but I almost puked while reading today’s article. I think that Lux should not have been so graphic in explaining to the entire Towson University population on how to give a blowjob. Again, I love the column. But some things shouldnt be as out there at others. Seriously, who wants to be reading the school news paper learning about how to give blowjobs while eating breakfast?
Personally this info is nothing new to me. I feel like I’ve read this in Cosmo… monthly. Tell me something I don’t know.
I think this was the most appaling article. There is no business for such an article to be published in any paper. If this is what you have learned while your parents are paying for your college education, that is VERY SAD! I have talked to many students, faculty and staff regarding this article and they seem to all feel this article was way over board! Please tell all of us, what are you trying to accomplish? You must be a very lonely person. There are many adult porno shops around, get a job working for them and save your parents money!
I love sex discussions and a little tongue in cheek humor as much as anyone but this article really seemed to have no real point or purpose other than to discuss sex and go over a few highly wicked topics with as much detail as possible. How does this relate to the school again? To being a student? To…having goals outside of sex work? Honestly, if this column should continue to run then let’s stimulate the minds a little more and the nether regions a little less. At least then it’d be more fun and less gross (really 9 in the morning and I had to read that?)
This isn’t appalling or inappropriate, it’s actually just uninformative. How about some tips we didn’t learn in high school? Or something about double standards, at least. Or maybe about how our beloved campus is plauged with herpes?
This is the most un-classy article I’ve read in The Towerlight, a HUGE turnoff for me. If the paper was trying to get the students attention to read the paper more, well congratulations. It got my attention and I’m choosing to never read it again! I read mags like Cosmo just like any other girl, but the amount of detail that went into this column was not in any way classy or humorous. I am actually embarrassed for my sex. To say that women would degrade themselves to performing sexual acts to make money in this economy struggle is very offensive. Next time think before you bash your own sex.
This has been done before. It’s not new. It’s not shocking. It was done much better four years ago when the local media was all over it. Hiding behind the anonymity of “Lux” in an attempt to incite incredulity is an exercise in futility. Unmask yourself, Batman. Until then, stop trying so hard.
To the person who said: “So encouraging safer sex practices and offering some tips warrants suspension from school? You serious? It’s not like she’s running around screaming “PUT YOUR DICK IN EVERY ORIFICE, NO CONDOMS ALLOWED, SEX ALL NIGHT.” Lighten up.”
There is nothing in this article that encourages safer sex practices and a lot which suggests promiscuity.
This article is pornographic and should be treated as such.
Congrats! I officially have lost all respect for those working on this paper and the University for being (loosely) associated with it. You may have the right to post it. I have the right to protest it.
I AM that parent mentioned by “J” in a September 14th post. I just happened to be visiting the campus with my daughter, a prospective student for next year. I DID just happen to pick up a copy of the paper and DId read the article. I am deeply offended and my daughter will definitely NOt be attending this university. The sad part is that much of the university is above average in compairson with peer institutions. Small minded of me you say? Perhaps. More to the point, with so many challenging, meaningful topics out there just begging to be explored, why waste the space on something as pointless and degrading as this?
Also, I’m a prude.
It’s just sex, folks. Relax. Great column!
As a Towson graduate and former Towerlight writer, I am concerned that this article and commentary about it are now being viewed nationally. While I believe in freedom of speech, I also believe that the content of this article reveals little journalistic value and adds very little to the discourse about sex, sexism or the current recession. Being controversial for the sake of being controversial is not journalism.
Hey, Charisse, glad to see you posting here. Clearly you don’t know the difference between “journalism” and an “opinion column.” Bed Post is NOT journalism. Neither was Happy Hour, Kegtapper or Sunny Side Up. I don’t see anybody screaming about the lack of journalistic integrity of Amanda Doran’s light-hearted conversations to herself about her own quirkiness.
The problem is, one day this editor is going to have to get a job (not any of the jobs she’s described in her article). What this article shows is the editor’s complete lack of judgment. True, this is about freedom of speech and the Towerlight can print it if it wants. But an advertiser has every right to pull its support, which can destroy a paper. No newspaper owner is going to hire an editor, or a writer or even a janitor who is willing to destroy a paper’s advertising revenue in the name of free speech. Any other business owner would see this lack of judgment as well – someone who has no business common sense. If the Towerlight editor and its writers want to exercise this kind of freedom of speech, they can go for it. But they’re killing their chances of landing a job, and isn’t that why they’re in college in the first place?
Disregard that, I suck cocks.
I cannot believe that The Towerlight would allow this to be published. This is NOT an issue of free speech – it IS an issue of being tasteful. And this, is a VERY tasteless article. As a TU Alum, I am embarassed at the content of this article – I sincerely hope for a turnaround. And I hope that the new Editor-in-Chief remembers many of the values that she learned at LeaderShape ’08 and will lead this newspaper to a brighter and more promising future and reputation.
Great article. BOO HOO to all you sex prudes in the crowd. “OH” my daughter won’t be going to this school, one poster said. Fine, she will be blowing and rimming her way in another school. Your boy even. Nothing wrong with students learning how to have sex, so long as it is safe. Not drug induced etc. Some of you shrews are still stuck in the dark ages. Rim jobs cause students to have better cleanliness habits. Nothing wrong with a nice rim job. It gives the girls confidence. I’m a proud rimming college guy:
You know the general topic of this column. You know what things it may entail. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s as simple as that.
I think that the person who wrote this article was looking for publicity, and she (or he… everyone seems to think it was a girl, but you never know) has found it. Because everyone is arguing about it, they article and the paper are getting more attention from the media, and the nation, than they would otherwise. I’m not advocating this article–I think that the peson who wrote the article was pushing the boundaries of printed media, and I admire them for their cheek… however, the subject matter is a little much for me–but I just wanted to point out that all this attention was probably the purpose of printing this article, as it has nothing else to promote it.
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