@keshasuxx: LAX security officers are so nice NOT. PROFILING AGAINST my (david bowie inspired, developing) mullet

@whitegrlproblem: Thanks for giving me my first eating disorder, Barbie. #whitegirlproblems

@DianaInHeaven: Hello to my new American followers. I always liked your country. Your chocolate tastes like dog shit mind you.

@DRUNKHULK: SUCKER PUNCH MOVIE LOT LIKE COBRA IN BRONX! EVERYONE THINK IT COOL IT OUT THERE! BUT NO ONE WANT ACTUAL SEE IT!

@Lord_Voldemort7: #dontactlikeyounever stared out your window hoping you’d see an owl delivering your letter from Hogwarts.

@yoyoha: I can never tell if Eminem is yelling with me or at me.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: The Old Spice guy is dating Kathy Griffin… so I guess it improves your smell, but not your taste.