Home » Arts and Life, Columns

The Look: Showing off the goodies

28 April 2011 By Devon Razey, Columnist No Comments

The other day, my roommate and I spent about three hours watching our homework collect dust while we “stumbled” our way through the Internet on StumbleUpon.
After ripping ourselves away from a very violent and hypnotizing game starring George Bush, we stumbled onto a shopping site featuring bathing suits.
The site was promoting “mismatched bikinis” as this season’s hottest trend.  I’ve seen this trend in every magazine and catalogue I’ve read this month, so I guess they are kind of right.
However, and that’s a big fat however, I can’t get over my need to scream at the top of my lungs that tops and bottoms of two different colors and patterns are usually not OK!
I admit that I’ve mismatched my bathing suit pieces before. But it was when I was 14 and I couldn’t find the right pieces.
This trend is nothing but the fashion industry’s way of justifying the failures of celebrities caught on camera while they convince you to buy two bikinis instead of one.
Granted, there are some pairs that will work mismatched. But it’s a big risk, and you’d better consult your color wheel before you go out into public wearing it.
If you’re going to the shore this summer, your best bet is probably to stick with a matching bikini set.  Not everyone is up to date on the more eccentric trends, and you’ll probably get a stink eye or two with a red top and yellow bottoms.
At the beach, you want to blend in with the surf-bum culture that indeed exists up here in the north, and matching your bikini isn’t going to be quite enough.  Everybody hates “shoobies,” so here’s how not to look like one.
The less clothing you wear, the better.  I’m not saying walk around naked, but I am saying leave your wedges and sundresses at home.
It’s totally OK to look like a slut on the beach, so why not take advantage of it?
Personally, I hate pants.  Does anyone really like to wear pants?  I’ll bet that if you could walk into any random dorm room on this campus, its inhabitants would be in front of the TV completely pants-less.
Try wearing your cute flowy shirt we talked about a couple weeks ago sans pants.  Don’t forget your bikini bottoms!
Couple that beach ensemble with a pair of Ray Bans knock offs and beach-wavy hair and you’ll fit in with all the hot surfer guys you and I both know invade your wet dreams.
Let me tell you, they do not like high-maintenance women, and they definitely don’t hold purses.
Just remember that at the beach, the less you do, the better.

Leave your response!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

Formatting help »

By posting a comment you acknowledge and accept the following policy. Any material published on TheTowerlight.com may be used in the print edition. The Towerlight reserves the right to remove any comment from our website at any time for any reason. Online comments do not reflect the views of The Towerlight.