“Oompa, Loompa, doom padee DON’T, I have another story for you. If you are smart, then you’ll listen to me.”

To pay homage to Halloween, this week’s “RanDUMB Conversation” will focus on the scary tale of the Oompa Loompa who didn’t “get the job.”

I can be somewhat of a jerk, especially when I don’t get enough sleep. Two weeks ago was no exception. I had stayed up until three in the morning working on the dreaded take-home midterm that one of my professors assigned.  I’m not going to bore you with my morning routine, but let’s just say the lack of sleep made for a rough morning.

My friend, we’ll call her Susan, came up to me first thing in the morning (mistake number one) complaining about a phone call that she received the night before.

“Oh Eric, you won’t believe what happened to me yesterday,” Susan distraughtly said (mistake number two).

“You obviously didn’t get hit by a car, so what can be that bad?”  I replied.

“Wow, you’re mean this morning.”

“Hurry up and tell me about this phone call.”

“I got a call from The Center and they told me that I didn’t get the job.”

“Did you go into the interview with your face painted orange?”  I responded as nicely as I could.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you go into the interview dressed like an Oompa Loompa?  I know you weren’t auditioning for a role in ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,’ but I do know that if you walked into my office with your face painted like that, I wouldn’t want to hire you either.  You should seriously try finding a base that fits your actual skin tone.  Painting your face orange isn’t professional.”

I know what some of you are thinking.  You think that I’m mean.  When it comes to things like this, I’m brutally honest.  Take that how you want it.  I would rather have a friend who tells me the complete truth rather than one who sugarcoats things.

Why am I comparing Susan to an Oompa Loompa?  Well, because she fit the description, minus the green hair.

“You’re a jerk, Eric!”  Susan said as she stomped away with her hands on her hips. Here again, I’m reminded of the Oompa Loompa song.

Ladies, if you’re reading this, we know that orange isn’t your natural skin color.  This isn’t the ‘Jersey Shore,’ and you look more like a clown.  If you’re going for sexy and professional, you’re sadly mistaken. But that’s just my opinion.

Stoopid!