Former employee won’t stand for being called ‘sir’
Christopher Curry/ The Towerlight
Stephanie Petrides is not a “sir.”
Because the 24-year-old has cropped hair and said she feels naked without a baseball cap, assumptions are made about her sexual orientation and gender identity at first glance.
And that can be a problem if your job was to write parking citations on Towson University’s campus.
“I know it takes a lot of patience to do this kind of job. We’re the jerks on campus, obviously, and I’m OK with that,” Petrides said. “I know how to respond calmly and professionally to anyone that might come up to me with an issue or come up yelling at me and whatnot.”
After a series of complaints filed by those corrected by Petrides when they referred to her with the incorrect pronoun, Parking and Transportation Services dismissed her from her job as a parking enforcement associate on Nov. 30.
While two incidents at the Baltimore County Court Building in Towson led to a written warning and suspension before Petrides’ termination, she said working on campus was a daily struggle against discrimination.
Petrides said she plans to file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission for discrimination because of her perceived sexual orientation and gender identity and because Parking and Transportation failed to report or take action when she brought up workplace discrimination concerns.
Director of Parking and Transportation Services Pamela Mooney would not provide The Towerlight with any information on Petrides employment or termination.
Employed at Towson University
In mid-August 2011, Towson University’s Department of Parking and Transportation hired Petrides as a parking enforcement associate, a role similar to a job she had held at American University, where she received her undergraduate degree.
Petrides said she has always worked in customer service: as a lifeguard, at Barnes & Noble and Borders booksellers, at American University’s Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Ally Resource Center, as a kennel manager for the Baltimore Humane Society, and as a volunteer at Jasmine’s House Inc., a pitbull rescue center.
Working with barking dogs and a severe ear infection during college left Petrides with a slight hearing impairment, which she said causes her to speak loudly and has gotten her into trouble in the workplace.
“Especially in parking enforcement, if somebody’s coming up to complain, they’re all in a huff and they’re yelling and all angry. So even if I’m keeping my voice level, if I’m speaking loudly, they’re going to misconstrue that as me being hostile,” Petrides said.
Disgruntled drivers who had been ticketed by Petrides would often yell anti-LGBT slurs during or after confrontation on the job, she said.
“As she [one driver] drove away, she yelled cunt, faggot, dyke and other names I could not quite make out,” Petrides said. “Thinking they would take some action against this girl because of the obvious discriminatory comments made, I was excessively frustrated when I received very little support from my supervisors, to the point where they almost seemed to defend her actions as opposed to defending me.”
Other similar incidents were also left undocumented by Parking and Transportation, according to Petrides.
Kyla Bender-Baird, a Towson University alumna and author of “Transgender Employment Experiences,” said that while interviewing trans-identified people for her book, incidents of “queer visibility,” or harassment based on how visible someone’s LGBT identity is, came up often. While Petrides is not transgender, many of Bender-Baird’s findings still hold true.
“People found that non-normative gender expressions, such as short hair on women, triggered harassment,” Bender-Baird said in an email. “For many LGBT people, expressing their gender and sexual orientation outside of hegemonic norms is a reclamation of their identity, their body, and their right to bring their whole selves to work.”
Towson University has a policy prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, which is defined as the identification, perception, or status of an individual as to homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, or transgender.
Complaints of discrimination are filed through a Fair Practices officer, who will interview the individual filing the compliant to determine if an actual act of discrimination has occurred, according to Towson University Fair Practices Officer Dan Leonard.
“Twenty years ago, things were thought of very black and white. It’s man or a woman, period,” Leonard said. “Gender is so complex. It’s socially complex, biologically complex. And at the University, it’s very important. This is a non-discriminatory environment.”
Petrides said she would correct individuals who used the incorrect pronoun to address her, but attempted to do so in a professional manner. Petrides said she met with Parking and Transportation Services Operations Manager Ed Gizara for counseling on what she could do to work productively in a setting where she was addressed by the wrong gender pronoun on a daily basis.
Gizara’s suggestions, according to Petrides, included wearing a different cut shirt, tighter-fitting pants, and a visor instead of a baseball cap.
“I basically told him, ‘No, I’m not going to do that.’ It was really the kind of clothes I wear every day. It was what I was wearing to work,” Petrides said.
According to Towson University’s Standards of Dress Policy, “Departments may establish additional non-discriminatory appearance standards based on operational needs … Factors to consider may include the work location, the physical requirements of the job, and health/safety practices.”
Dress and uniform requirements at Towson University are different in every department, according to Leonard.
Incidents at the Baltimore County courthouse
After being hired by Parking and Transportation, Petrides returned to the Courthouse several times for matters involving citations issued at the University. Citations that deal with public safety, such as parking in fire lanes or in a handicap spot without a permit, must be appealed through the district court, and parking associates who wrote tickets are required to give testimony to report the details of the infraction.
Two incidents, one outside the courthouse, the other inside, led to Petrides being issued a warning, a suspension and termination from Parking and Transportation.
In late September, after asking earlier in the month and being approved for leave to attend a friend’s wedding, Petrides said she was summoned to court for a citation on the same day as the ceremony. When she asked her supervisor if she could do anything to remain free on the day, Petrides said she received no reply.
Already upset about missing all or part of the wedding, Petrides said she went to the courthouse to give testimony on the citation, but the individual cited failed to appear at court.
Waiting outside the courthouse for a ride back to the University, Petrides said she vented her frustrations to her coworkers about the current situation and told them about a personal experience at the courthouse in August.
When Petrides had gone to the courthouse in August to attempt to change a court date for a speeding ticket, the bailiffs at the courthouse entrance and the clerk at the customer service counter addressed Petrides as “sir.” When she corrected them, neither the bailiffs nor the clerk apologized.
Petrides said a parking employee of Baltimore County overheard the discussion outside the courthouse and misreported it to Towson University. Elements of the two stories were mixed, and Petrides said she later found out the employee told Gizara that Petrides had been hostile inside the courthouse, threatened the life of a student, and had to be escorted from the building.
“I never threatened anyone’s life, as I am educated enough and have enough common sense to know that even stating something that extreme would be excessively unprofessional and out of line,” Petrides said.
Petrides was still able to make it to her friend’s wedding, and while driving home after, she said she received a text message from her immediate supervisor, Rich Herbert:
“So apairently [sic] steph said she was going to kill a student at the court house and had to be escorted out. Ed told me today. So I don’t think she is going to be here much longer,” the message read.
The text message had not been intended for Petrides, but another supervisor. Petrides said when she was first hired by Parking and Transportation, she had to sign a form stating she would not share confidential information with anyone, inside the organization or not.
Petrides received a written and verbal warning for the incident in September.
Entering the courthouse as a Towson University parking official with a University identification badge, Petrides said she was able to routinely bypass the metal detector at the building’s entrance to the room where the citation was being judged. On Nov. 17, she entered in the same fashion, but the bailiffs at the entrance called after her.
“They started yelling at my back, ‘Sir, sir, sir.’ And I wasn’t turning around because I’m not a sir,” Petrides said.
But Petrides said she went back to the entrance, where the bailiffs questioned if she had the proper credentials to pass the metal detector.
“Before I walked away, I said, ‘I would appreciate it if the next time I come in, you address me by the correct pronoun,’” Petrides said. “At that point, I walked away, and I could hear them saying things behind my back. And I know they were trying to get me to turn around to start something.”
Petrides joined her co-workers at the courtroom of the case she had been called to.
One of the bailiffs that had called her “sir” entered the courtroom shortly after and approached Petrides where she was sitting.
“He slammed his hands down on the bench and said ‘Should I call Towson now, or do you want to talk about what happened downstairs,’” Petrides said.
Gizara said they would discuss her options the following week, according to Petrides.
Instead she was suspended one day without pay for “a verbal altercation with the Circuit Court Clerks when entering the courthouse,” being “rude and disrespectful to court employees,” and “failing to identify herself when entering the courthouse,” according to Petrides’ suspension notice. On Nov. 30, she was given her two-weeks notice.
In the week since her termination, Petrides has met with the Towson’s Office of Human Resources and Office of Fair Practicesand said she will soon be filing a complaint with the EEOC and against the Baltimore courthouse bailiffs.
She’s returned to Towson’s campus four times to obtain more detailed information on her termination from Parking and Transportation and the Office of Human Resources. Manager of Employee/Employer Relations Jo Ann Joseph also would not provide The Towerlight with any information on Petrides’ employment or termination.
Petrides said Parking and Transportation administrators made threatening comments about making sure she would not be allowed on campus should she continue to gather information for her case.
“[It] makes me all the more resolved to get justice for myself in this,” Petrides said.
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I’m sorry, I find myself very sensitive to gender issues, but she is confusing her rights. The student who drove away yelling derogatory names at her and the bailiffs who called her the wrong gender pronoun aren’t breaking any laws or any discrimination code for the University.
That student, as reprehensible as her actions may have been, had the right to say what she wanted; hate speech is horrible but seldom can it actually be prosecuted. The bailiffs made a mistake based on our overarching notions of what makes a man vs. what makes a woman; if I had shoulder length hair and someone was behind me yelling “ma’am!” I wouldn’t take offense, I would simply correct them. People aren’t psychic and they’re not all out to get you…except possibly if you berate them for a mistake.
To blame a hostile work environment on your employer for something that is out of their control is unfair. They can’t go out and change all of our conceptions of gender or inform everyone within a 20 mile radius that she is indeed female.
I’m a gay man…and my grandma, every time I saw her, would ask me if I had a girlfriend, and I would simply respond that no, I didn’t. I wouldn’t file a complaint against her for assuming I’m straight and then go over to her condo association office and ask them what they were going to do about it.
Some people suck; you just have to go on in life taking some blows, , working to educate people, and hoping that the girl who shouted “dyke” at you will soon feel the sting of karma.
Now, if we can just get rid of this “Sir” and “Ma’am” nonsense, this will help. I have been in various levels of customer service and support roles for the past 30 years and I have *NEVER* used “Sir” or “Ma’am” to address anyone.
It is not my place to gender someone else.
She was in every right to correct these people and if that offended someone, then those other people may need to think about what they are saying could be offensive (such as gendering someone).
I sure hope she is successful in her case.. This misgendering, whether it involves someone who is trans or not needs to stop and some simple changes to our social norms will do it.
Dude f*ck that sh*t, totally unfair. I have run into her a few times while parking illegally (at least attempting to) on campus, and every time she was respectful and professional. I can’t believe the university would treat an employee like this. Is there some way to support or help Stephanie with her case?
its all a bunch of bullsh*t
Sorry, you look like a dude. Maybe you shouldn’t dress like a dude if you don’t want to be confused for one.
oh and towerlight buy not checking sources before printing you just made yourself a tabloid. you are not a legitimate form of media anymore.
Moose,
Clearly you should just not speak. Hate to break it to you, but gender is pretty fluid these days…and “dressing like a dude” these days can mean pink shirts and skinny jeans. Tighter jeans than I wear as a female are the norm for most guys these days. With that being said, discrimination is not acceptable, and as a Towson Alum, I am DEEPLY disturbed by the chain of events that have unfolded in regard to this story. Bias and hatred still remains towards the GLBT community, and for such a forward thinking university, I’m totally shocked that something like this has occurred here and had to be reported by the Towerlight to come to light… Maybe the Baltimore Sun, WBAL and the other TV stations need this info too…
Being a gay man has nothing to really do with this incident. If people sit on their butts and do nothing to address the issue, nothing will change…look at history! Maybe, just maybe, if you told grandma, No, I don’t have a gf, but I do have a bf, you might have educated her as well. Kudos to Stephanie for standing up for her rights… and I hope that she wins.
Dear Dave, what sources did The Towerlight not check? Please explain this to me. And by the way, the proper use of the word “by” in this situation is in fact “by,” not “buy.”
You really can’t blame someone for calling you sir if you look like one. As for not gendering someone, PEOPLE HAVE GENDERS, it’s a fact of life sorry. What types of things are people going to get offended about next? Also you have to remember there are two sides to every story. I’m sure the University has a legitimate reason for her termination they’re just professional enough not to take out a few pages in the towerlight to explain their side.
As a campus community member I can tell you that this woman was one of the meanest and nastiest parking services employees on campus. Her being terminated had nothing to do with gender, rather her lack of respect for superiors, her insubordination, and her horrible work ethic. She had the nastiest attitude I have ever seen anyone have. I for one am glad this person no longer works at the campus. University employees work for the community and should never be mean and nasty. CYA!
@Wow
You don’t seem to understand what the term “rights” means, and you quite obviously didn’t read my whole post.
We don’t have a “right” to be in a protective bubble where our feelings are never hurt. It’s ludicrous to think that if I was walking around campus and someone called me a faggot that I would go to the administration and demand they somehow stop it from happening in the future. She has two options in my view – she can either take instances of people being hateful (or just simply mistaken) as teachable moments to speak up against gender normativity, or she can roll with the punches. She (and you) seem to think there is this magical third option where she can somehow seek to fault someone who was completely uninvolved (the university). It is not the university’s fault nor is it their responsibility to somehow make up for a student calling her names or bailiffs who very well may have made a simple and innocent mistake that she seemingly overreacted to.
The anecdote about my grandma was used to make a point. Yes, I could have said “no grandma but I like boys” and then educated her about being gay, sure, but filing a complaint is not “educating” anyone; she’s using semi-litigious means to place guilt where there should be none.
this is the funniest cover story i have eva seen
Like the one person said there are two sides of every story. I had longhair at one point(Im a male) and I would always be called miss or mam. I didnt let it get to me because I knew from behind with long hair people would think i was a women. What did I do. I cut my hair. I didnt go around and try and blame the university for not tracking down all the people who offended me. I cut my hair. The one time I was given a ticket by her I was sitting in my car with it running waiting for my girlfriend. She came up to me and told me I had to move it now or I would get a ticket. I said my girlfriend is right there walking up the stairs I will move when she gets in. So she starts writing the citation and when I went to pull out she was still blocking my car so that the only way to leave would be to hit her with my car. I wasnt about to do that. So I took the ticket from her and she said you should know better than to park here. I told her I was with my car if a fire truck needed to get in I would have moved. she said thats not the point its a firelane. It went back and forth with her getting louder and finaly I said if you dont move Im going to call the police. she moved and I took the ticket to the parking office. I told them my story and they said. You shouldnt have gotten a ticket if you where with your car. We only give tickets like that when there is noone in the car. Well parking did right by me and took the ticket away. But that ticket writer she just had an atitude to begen with.
I have to admit I was a bit disturbed by the story when my daughter first told me. But then when she told me that this was the same “person” we had an issue with when my wife and I brought her back to campus, well, I could not be more pleased with the University. This “person” was giving tickets to parents trying to get their students back into residence halls after Thanksgiving Break. I tried to talk to her but she just kept saying “oh well” to me. When my wife walked up to her and said “sir” to this person, this “person” got very aggressive towards my wife and yelled at her that she was not a “sir” and that she should call her by her proper pronoun. Well it as was an honest oversight but my wife did not deserve to be treated like that especially not by a University Employee. I called the police and was told that I needed to call the parking manager to make my complaint. I called the very next business day and was ready for an argument (being parking and all) but got anything but. The person I spoke with was very understanding and stated that I needed to appeal the ticket and that he would look into the matter. I was called back later the same day and told the appeal had been granted and apologized for how we were treated. I told him that I appreciated his apology but that this individual should be fired for treating anyone much less a parent who is paying a lot for tuition and housing to be treated in such a manner. He stated that this was a personnel issue and that he was not at liberty to discuss it with me but that they do not tolerate aggressive behaivor in any manner.
I am just glad that he was true to his word and had the best interest of the university at hand. If she got away with talking to a parent this way, I can’t even imagine how she would talk to students. It does not appear to me that her termination had anything to do with gender rather a lack of respect for anyone.
I have said my peace and am once again a parent of Towson University
I am very well aware of the incident you are describing, “Parent”, and, since I had been “counseled” in my way of approaching people a few weeks before, I know that I was nothing but excessively calm, composed, and professional with you. If you had actually listened to me, I was trying to calmly explain to your wife about how to appeal the ticket so that you would not have to pay. At no point did I say “oh well.” I simply explained that I had been trained to give a citation when a meter showed that it was expired. I felt awful for the fact that you were there for exactly 20 minutes, and that is a fault of the terrible system surrounding those 20 minute meters. Additionally, if you read the article carefully, you will see where it explains that I have a hearing deficit, so any loudness that occurred while speaking to you was something that I have very little control over. You had just received a citation, and you were simply listening to the volume of my voice, not how composed or professional I was being. And, even though your wife was screaming at me, I simply walked away so that things did not escalate, something that I had been instructed to do in a situation such as that. I tried to calmly tell you how to get out of the ticket, apologized for you receiving the ticket, and remained overtly professional. However, you did something wrong, and need someone to blame, and there I am, the perfect target. I don’t blame you for blaming me, but I think you should perhaps take a look at your wife’s actions during this interchange as well. Finally, in reference to the fact that she had called me sir, I was never aggressive in my response. I distinctly remember taking a deep breath to avoid being aggressive in any way, knowing that a Towson University employee should not act like that, however offensive somebody is being when addressing them. I simply corrected and asked for an apology, the same way I do every time this occurs. Furthermore, I take excessive offense at your calling me a “person”. Why do you feel the need to put person in quotations? That is beyond intended as an attack at myself, and most likely my gender identity as well. Before judging others, seriously look in the mirror.
Also, to the person who had received a citation while they were in the vehicle….I am sorry. I had been trained incorrectly by a supervisor in the process of writing fire lane citations, and was unaware that I could not write one for someone who was still in the car. I truly am sorry. After having several encounters with other people, my manager finally explained the proper protocol for writing fire lane citations, and I had few, if any, issues after that. Once again, I am truly sorry, and apologize if you perceived my actions as out of line, but I was trained to not take “shit” from anyone, and, coupled with the fact that I cannot hear how loud my voice gets much of the time, that may have come across as my being aggressive. Once again, I am sorry.
To those that defend and support me, thank you, I cannot tell you how much it means to me!! I have felt so alone in this fight for so long, and the Towerlight has finally given me a voice and platform from which to really take a stand on this, and the fact that I am receiving support from those responding to this article further encourages me in my fight to have my voice heard. It is not simply a misperception that is occurring here. It is not someone just being wrong. (And, for those that are saying I shouldn’t “fly off the handle” or whatnot every time it happens….I don’t. This occurs at least a half dozen times a day, and often more while working as a PEA, and I would calmly correct the person, who, 90% of the time, would apologize.) Those that take my correction offensively show their glaring ignorance about the situation and the greater issue at hand. I never asked Parking and Transportation to go around and make sure everyone knew not to call me sir. I simply looked for even the smallest measure of support from them when confronted with those being overly ignorant. I never received this. Instead, I was met with them telling me I had to accept that it was going to happen and suggest wearing tighter clothing. The clothing suggestion makes me writhe in disgust, as it goes beyond sexist. I wore the uniform that every Parking Enforcement Associate wore.
Finally, in response to those that say the bailiffs simply were wrong, and were making an innocent mistake….these same bailiffs had treated me ignorantly before. And, after calmly asking them not to call me sir, their response was, “Sir, do you have identification?” I let that comment go, showed them my ID, continued to let them talk to me and treat me condescendingly and ignorantly, and simply asked that they address me by the correct pronoun in the future. Because they were not happy with my request, and most likely because of some of the bailiffs own personal feelings towards my perceived gender identity or sexual orientation, I was met with hostility and downright lies from them. I absolutely have more than a right to stand up and speak up for myself against this kind of treatment, especially when my employment is put in jeopardy and is ultimately lost because of it.
Again, thank you to the Towerlight for giving me a voice and giving me support and for ultimately giving me the courage to tell my story. Thank you to all who defend me and support me in my situation. It gives me that much more strength knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
Just gotta say, I set the cover story picture as my friends laptop background when he wasnt looking and we BUST out laughing every time he opens his laptop and we see it. Ok continue with the serious comments.
Wake up people. Ignorance and hatred towards the GLBT community still exists. Even if someone is PERCEIVED as Gay, lesbian, bi, or trans and ISN’T the ignorance still exists. For a university as forward thinking as Towson, I’m really surprised that the did not take Stephanie’s needs seriously. This university has some of the best in the field of GLBT matters and also a Minor in GLBT studies!
Sean, no one was asking you to grab a rainbow flag and dance down the street, but reality is that if people sit and expect change to happen quietly, it won’t. As a gay man you should know better than to sit and be ok with discrimination happening. Seems to me that the Towerlight did a great thing by bringing this issue to the attention of people… and I hope change happens soon. Perhaps the entire department, including the courthouse staff need some diversity training and could learn different ways to address individuals who come into the courthouse.
If Stephanie was black and people were shouting racial slurs to her, this story and all of your commentary and opinions would be totally different. Discrimination is discrimination no matter what…
Good luck with your fight Stephanie.
Ok, what it seems like a lot of people are missing here, is that she is not trying to make all people stop calling her sir. She is not trying to force the university to inform everyone that she is a woman. She is not even trying to get the university to reprimand the people who mistook her for a sir. All she wanted is for the university to take her seriously, to come up with logical responses on what she could do rather than tell her to wear tight pants and shirts (which honestly borders on sexual harassment, and definitely constitutes gender discrimination), and lastly, for the university to hear out her side of the incidents rather than assume she was at fault. I’m sure there were witnesses to at least some of the events in question. Perhaps, had she been given the opportunity to defend herself, she could have presented witnesses who could support her side of the story. Perhaps not, but it does not seem as though she was given any such opportunity.
This story is not about a woman being assumed to be a man and being called “sir.” This story is about the university behaving inappropriately on several occasions and the way in which the university has behaved does make them appear to be prejudiced and discriminating against her because of her perceived gender identity & sexual orientation. Based on the simple fact that she was not given much if any opportunity to defend herself makes it seem as though the university assumed she was in the wrong simply because of her appearance. That is why this article was written. The university was wrong and the county court bailiffs were wrong. People have a right to be treated with basic human decency by their employers and by government officials.
Good Luck with everything, Stephanie!
Dear Sir,
Good luck with that EEOC complaint, I hope they dont laugh too hard when you file it because you dont have a chance in hell. If you dont want people to call you sir, dress like a woman, I wouldnt be upset if I had long hair and wore dresses for people to call me Ma’am because I would look like a woman not a man. Get over yourself and take a look in the mirror. While you are at it, get some anger management counseling it will do yourself and those around you a favor. I have been to that courthouse numerous times and the only time the bailiffs were ever anything but cordial was when people came in their with an attitude and gave them a hard time about having to go through security. It is a courthouse, show a little respect, you are after all (well you were) a meter maid. Your job was not that important compared to others, you wrote tickets for a living, gee thanks for keeping the streets safe for all of us who park at school, without you writing tickets you were never supposed to write it would be total anarchy, an true pit of despair, our own little afghanistan in the middle of Towson. Grow up, dress in a way that people dont get verbally abused by you for calling you sir when you look like a man and maybe people will have more respect for you.
Folks,
A lot of judgement has been placed on the University; however, NO one knows what the University did or did not do in Stephanie’s situation.
Why is it that this has turned into a gender and sexual orientation issue? Just maybe, Stephanie was a bad employee.
I don’t the circumstances surrounding Stephanie’s termination, but I do know that the University has MANY policies, procedures and departments in place to help if she was wronged. Terminations on the campus DO NOT happen in a vacuum.
It would be inappropriate for the University to comment on Stephanie’s termination, I give them the credit for not commenting on the incident.
It is clear that Stephanie has an issue with being called “Sir,” as she has stated that she always asks for the individual to apologize to her. That alone shows that she isn’t as calm as she is stating. If the individual doesn’t apologize, do you really think that she remains calm? Come on use your common sense.
Also, Stephanie states that she was terminated on the 30th, why then was she on campus wearing her uniform for this picture to be taken for the article? Apparently, Stephanie believes that she is invincible and above all others.
It is interesting how she states that she has a hearing problem; however, she hears EVERYTHING that people say to her and it only becomes a problem when she is discussing problems with customers or if they call her “Sir.” I think that her supervisor was right in offering her differnent clothing attire, as they are aware that their uniforms are of a masculine nature.
I wish Stephanie well, but I think that her issues aren’t necessarily the issues of the University.
@They call me sir, Who are you to be gender tying anyone? Seriously. Grow the fuck up. Towson U is known for being “gay” friendly. Just like “wow” said Towson has minors in GLBT studies, and is known to be a nondiscrimination school. Its people like you that actually make the world a worse place, with all that negativity shooting out your ass. If you didn’t like the article, you didn’t have to read it.
@Wow
You still don’t get it! As a gay man I know my RIGHTS and how to fight for them; if someone on the street calls me a faggot, tough shit – that’s unfortunately their right and I can respond however I want (calling them out or keeping quiet, but not complaining to and blaming the university which had no involvement). If they call me a faggot while bashing my skull in, that’s called a hate crime and I would treat it as such. This is exactly the same situation; how can she possibly expect the university to account for a student who yelled “dyke” at her or for people calling her sir? What response was she possibly hoping for? You tell me.
The situation would be no different if she was black and people shouted racial slurs at her, sorry. Is it discriminatory? Absolutely, but as long as those people are not under the anti-discrimination policies of the university (as in employed), then the university can’t do ANYTHING about it! The university cannot all of a sudden make discrimination disappear, and the idea that they should somehow be blamed when it rears its head is baffling to me.
Here’s a situation that could be brought to the university with an expected, rational response. If they hired a ticket-writer who was in a wheelchair, and they were set to do the University Union garage, that person could go to the administration and say “I demand that the elevators in that garage be fixed.” That is something that lawfully, the university would almost certainly have to respond to. But, if said employee felt discriminated against by a student who approached them while giving them a ticket…sorry, the recourse is as I said above – call them out or take it on the chin.
So before you make judgment calls on me and my “ability” to fight for my rights, perhaps you should rethink your understanding of what is a right and what is not. I am in full support of educating people and working to break down stereotypes and holding people accountable, but I also understand the correct avenues. This is a situation that should take the avenue of perhaps telling the bailiffs that you are in fact a woman and would appreciate being referred to as such, not filing an EEOC complaint against the university that can’t do anything to stop people from speaking their minds. I minored in LGBT studies and partook in countless LGBT events while on campus, so I know that Towson overall is a good school for LGBT students and issues – but it’s not a magic school, one that can all of a sudden come up with an all-encompassing solution to gender stereotypes.
When you can see the difference, perhaps you’ll also realize that to hijack the resources of the EEOC and use it against the university which literally had no recourse to help you, it does a great disservice to people with legitimate and lawfully dictated concerns.
This doesnt sound like it has much to do with her sexuality or appearance, it sounds like she is just a negative and at times unfriendly person.
People dont dislike you because you are gay, people just dislike YOU. (and people with will call you a dyke to hurt your feelings, even if they really have no problem with your sexual orientation)
It really makes me wonder if she actually did threaten the life of a student in that courthouse.
This is a direct quote from one of her wall posts on Facebook regarding the injury of a football player…
“Hell Yeah, Michael Vick just came off the field spitting up blood after a excellent bone-crushing, back breaking/twisting hit. I am literally giddy!! Nothing gets me higher than seeing Michael Vick suffer. Hell Yeah!!”
This shows what kind of person she is. But she has the gull to complain about people calling her names.
As an extreme animal rights activist and avid pit bull lover, I feel the exact same way that this person feels every time Vick gets hurt. This comment was not made about some random football player. It was made about a person who violently and without any heart tortured, killed, neglected, and abused dozens of living beings. He deserves to be treated the same way he treated these defenseless creatures. You must be an Eagles fan, one who has looked past Vick’s hideous transgressions and feel he has “paid his debt to society” though he shows no remorse for what he has done. Pathetic.
In reference to “Wakeup”….the University has policies in place, but, as an earlier article in the Towerlight shed light on, many student workers or workers that have recently graduated are “at will” employees, meaning they can be terminated at any time for no reason at all, so your comment bares no weight there.
You are missing the point. She made the comment. Therefore it is more believable that she threatened another person’s life. Just like I believe your house probably smells like animals.
Look like man, you will get called sir. I don’t see what the big deal is about this.
I know this person and she needs psychiatric help… Look up borderline personality disorder, she matches it perfectly.
You call men “sir” and women “ma’am”. I honestly don’t know who raised some of my peers to not have proper manners, but around here some of us maintain respect and the Southern way of life. Its unfortunate that the individual was mistaken for a man, but you cannot get angry at someone for attempting to be polite while making an honest mistake.
Gender is not “fluid”. You are born either a man or a woman. This is not pickup basketball where you can trade teams in the middle of the game. You have an XY chromosome or an XX chromosome. So why we just chill the heck out over name calling, learn some manners, and stop trying to corrupt the clear lines that God created and intended.
I am sorry she does not get it. My wife never intended to be rude to you. She made an honest mistake. But as i stated, you had no right to raise your voice or be so rude to her. You state you have a hearing deficit. Really, then why weren’t you as loud with me as you were with her. I believe (and hope) your termination was due to your lack of respect for Anyone and probably anyone. I can’t comment on other actions you have done or not done. I only know they way you treated my wife and I was irresponsible and uncalled for. I do not call the police or someones manager because I do not like someone. I do however call when I believe that an individual is out of control and is negatively impacting what I believe to be a great school to send my daughter.
I also would have to believe in the University that they do have policies in place to deal with these types of situations. I feel for you Ms. Petrides and hope that one day you realize you just cant go around acting the way you do and blame society as a whole for you misconceptions. If not, you are in for a very rough lif
I wish you well, but Towson is not the place for you.
Actually Matt, you are incorrect. Not everyone is born with either an xx or xy chromosome. There are plenty of variations – nine categories of them actually. And we can only assume they were all created by God, right?
Dont stray from the point. I can 100% guarantee you that she was fired b/c of her attitude and numerous complaints. She def. has an anger mgmt. issue and this parent here is only one of many who complained. It’s time she accepted the truth and deal with her personal issues rather then blame everyone else. Let’s face it of you have a bunch of complaints from various different people, odds are its not them who have the problem it’s you. Stop projecting and fix yourself before you wreck yourself girl.
Thank God Matt H showed up! Praise him for his wisdom!
Matt, you take respecting the “southern way of life” to a whole new level. Respecting people by calling them sir or ma’am is a whole lot different than humping on the confederate flag.
While I disagree with the person in this article, I obviously don’t agree with your uninformed and woefully misinformed interpretation of gender.
But who am I kidding, the only variation you see in the human race is just how male, straight and white someone can be. You win!
As long as you’re an expert on what God “intended”, can you please let me know what he thinks about bigots? Thanks.
I’m not from the South. Not sure why I should be expected to maintain the Southern way of life. What a bizarre comment that has nothing to do with anything.
I completely agree Matt H <3
Actually Matt, your XY and XX argument falls very short. Intersex conditions are very real, and often go undiagnosed. XXY, YYX, androgen sensitivity, and various other medical issues are not in the form of the sex binary you speak of. If you want to have more information, check out the film “Middle Sexes”.
My gender is fluid. Tell me otherwise, go ahead. My gender is none of your business, as such your gender is none of mine.
I ran into this young lady while picking a friend up from their dorm on campus. The friend was out side waiting in front of the building, I stopped in the drive that semi-circles in front of the building behind the parking enforcement truck. My friend goes to put their bag in the back of my truck, and then the aforementioned parking enforcer starts yelling at me that I would have to move or they would ticket me. I reply with listen sir, I’m just picking up a friend and will be pulling away momentarily, I might as well called her anything but a white person with the tongue lashing she gave me. I was shocked that my tax dollars go to pay the salary of such a confrontational person. She should either dress more like a woman, or understand that people may confuse her with a man and just politely correct them. I don’t understand while people don’t see that the human species has binary gender, either a man or a woman. Those who don’t act as such they are, are the strange ones and we shouldn’t bow down to them. I believe this young lady is doing this on purpose just as a way to try to cheat the system for some sort of settlement, I will fight against her tooth and nail to no longer collect a paycheck on my tax dollars.
I hope for her sake she realizes that Sheppard Pratt is next door and seeks help. This is no way to go through life.
TU Parent, you make me sad that any ounce of difference in your eyes automatically requires a trip to the ‘Pratt. It is not your place to judge someone else’s life or measure their “happiness meter”.
I agree everyone has the right to live their life as they chose. No matter how angry they are because of it.
I just hope she dosn’t show up on campus with a gun, but your right we shouldn’t worry about how people feel.
Wow, TU Parent. What is wrong with you?
reading the artical and the comments I just hope that campus security it on top if it.
You have serious issues.
the parent is right. When you get older grad student you will realize that live is not all peaches and cream. People are crazy and do stupid stuff for no reason at all. This girl thinks everybody is out to get her. when that is far from the truth. The university has many programs that she could have signed up for to deal with her anger. If she did than she didn’t pay attention to any of it. She is in her own little world fitting a battle when there isn’t one to be fought. she blames everyone but herself. Oh wait she has a hearing problem. Well when you see people looking at you with disgust than you should realize you are talking to loud and step back and say Iam sorry If I appear to be yelling at you I have a hearing problem and cant control the volume of my voice.
You have no idea how old I am.
Look, the parking department isn’t sexist, racist, homophobic or bigoted in anyway. I’m pretty sure anyone who knows anything about parking knows that Pam Mooney is a lesbian and has a wife and guess what? SHE’S THE DIRECTOR OF PARKING. I don’t think stephanie should have to dress more feminine, she should dress however she wants. HOWEVER, if you dress/look a certain way, expect that people might make that mistake. If that look is not what you’re going for, then instead of bitching about how intolerant everyone is, if it’s REALLY bothering you, (and you’re not, you know, secretly getting off from all of the attention) then you should make subtle changes to yourself so people won’t make that mistake, or you’ll live with it and learn to let it roll off your shoulders (HINT: You can’t change others, you can only change yourself). Getting called a faggot or a dyke is terrible and should be reported, but being mistaken for a “sir” is really no ones fault but your own.
Everyone is a victim these days.. please, get over it. Perhaps if you worked on yourself and made an effort to look female you’d be considered one?
Sean is the voice of reason here. Thanks for your analysis, many of the other people here need to be more considerate.
she doesn’t have to make herself look more like a female. She wears a uniform. And most uniforms come in a one style for everybody type of thing. She has a right to be mad if this has been going on her whole life but to take it out on other people who don’t know her and from looking at her she looks like a guy. Its just gotten to a point with her that she thinks everybody is out to get her and she needs to seek help about this or it could get worse. There is no way Towson would fire someone over there looks, or choice of life style. Like someone said above the director is a women who like women. Now Iam sure she has heard her share of derogatory remarks against her but she doesn’t yell at other people about it and is well adjusted if not she would not be a director. Everybody wants to blame parking for this. Why? Towson would not have fired her if there were a lot more in play and from reading a lot on here she is just a mean person with a chip on her shoulder. and for one thing Human Resources has to approve when any department wants to fire someone. There is so much red tape involved when trying to do this. she is just like Don Quixote fitting things that are not there but in her mind they are. I feel sorry for her.
“but being mistaken for a “sir” is really no ones fault but your own.”
I cannot even begin to disseminate the frustrations I have with this statement. So if I call you a insert-slur-here it’s nothing but your fault, right? So if someone goes around campus calling everyone with yamakas on “k—s” (I refuse to say the full word), it’s nothing but the perceived Jewish person’s fault, right? Right! It’s THEIR fault they worse a yamaka. If they don’t want to be called a k— they should just take it off.
Do you see the fallacy here?
@Roach:
There’s a flaw in your argument. You don’t choose your ethnicity or race. You do choose how you dress and appear (for the most part).
I don’t quite understand this whole “gender neutrality” thing so I will refrain from commenting on it except that it is obvious some sort of educational program/event needs to be done.
LOL! I have not laughed this hard in months. A big shout out goes out to the people who comment on these stories!
I am guessing that a large percentage of people commenting in a negative manner are heterosexual, white, male, of slim to average build, and non-disabled. As such, you have never been on the receiving end of discrimination. You do not know what it is like. You are therefore free to assume that something must be wrong with Stephanie, and she must be over-reacting. None of us know how the events in question transpired except for those involved. It seems like there are a lot of close-minded individuals who are commenting on this post, so why is it so hard to believe that on a campus as large as Towson that she didn’t run into a lot of those people who took out their frustration at being corrected by someone whose job they did not respect and whose appearance did not fit into their ideas of what a woman should look like, by complaining to her superiors in an attempt to have her fired. Why is everyone finding fault with Stephanie? Perhaps more of you are bigots than would like to admit it. There is no such thing as normal. We do not all look alike or speak alike or act alike. Why are so many people so threatened by difference?
I do not know if events occurred in the way that Stephanie reports. I do not know if her termination was wrongful or not. But I do know that she deserves the benefit of the doubt. She desecration the chance to tell her side of the story. And she does not deserve the negativity so many people are bringing in these comments by saying it is a funny story or making fun of her appearance or attacking her mental stability. Please don’t use the easy anonymity of the internet as an opportunity to bully and belittle. There is no need for adults to act like children and pick on those who are different from yourself to make yourself feel superior.
She deserves** the chance… (Please excuse the typos… Autocorrect.)
@Roach- Race is a social construct. Besides, this story isn’t about race. I don’t see you point.
Also, Funny Man, you just laughed at yourself dumbass. You commented too. You took your funny time to go laugh about these HILARIOUS comments. AREN’T THEY SO FUNNY? we’re all just joking along, right? funny!
Discrimination is real summed it up quite nicely.
Steph -I support you completely. I am sorry you are going through this. This world makes me so sad sometimes.
I will admit I have made the mistake at work a few times, calling a lady sir because of their state of dress, but I always apologized. People do make honest mistakes, but I think what she was getting at is that when she told these bailiffs that she was indeed a lady and then they continued to call her sir is what made her angry as she should be.
Stephanie- I echo CousinK in that I completely support you and hope you’re heard. I am truly shocked by some of the cruel things that have been written here. Good luck, keep your chin up.
I often get called sir because of my appearance as well; I’m a young white women with a buzz cut who wears “men’s” clothes. For me how I feel about it always depends on the specific situation. I completely understand people calling me sir based on a quick glance or whatever but at the same time some people do it (and stuff like it) just to “put me in my place” and try to embarrass me. I find it quite likely that the people who insulted Stephanie did so on the basis of her gender presentation/perceived sexual orientation–fyi sometimes people know you are a woman and will still call you sir. I also take offense that people are saying she should have to inform people of her difficulty hearing–that is disabilist bs. It is quite likely that people judged her as rude based on her appearance and perceived her to be confrontational. It does not matter that the person in charge of parking is a lesbian — the institution itself has proven it is not LGBT friendly. Just my two cents and best wishes Stephanie from another gender effing Stephanie!
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