Colleen Calls It: Freshmen etiquette 101
Every college party is different. Some parties you go to in the hopes of getting completely obliterated and dancing to something by LMFAO and some parties you attend simply to find a random hook-up for the night. Sometimes, the goal is to just kick back with a few good friends.
Whatever your goal might be, a few things can get in the way of party potential.
Among these are the police, random slob kabobs who puke on the sofa next to you, a lack of alcohol and freshmen. Yes, I said it. The F-word: freshmen.
Freshmen often bring an excessive amount of uninvited people to parties, drink entirely too much and generally act as if they are at a club in Philly instead of a small apartment gathering.
Talk about putting a damper on the night.
To all of the students reading this article out there, bringing a freshman to a party is worse than oversleeping for class registration. It is a big NO NO. Allow me to explain.
One night I was invited to a party in the Fairways with a few good friends.
Everything was going well at first. We had all of the essentials: a keg, good music, fun people and of course a designated driver. I couldn’t pronounce his name though, so I’ll just call him Jimmy. He drove a big blue van.
Anyway, the party was going well until we heard a knock at the door.
Problem number one: who actually knocks? Everyone was wondering who it was. Is it the police or the landlord, or maybe some annoying neighbors telling us to turn the music down? Some people were concerned. Others kept drinking and got their IDs ready. Most people hid.
Turns out that it was just a bunch of freshman girls. A bunch meaning a parade of about 15 freshmen girls in heels, hoochie dresses, club tops, hoop earrings and the equivalent of clown makeup. It reminded me of an episode of America’s Next Top Model: “eliminated upon arrival” edition. The freshmen filtered in, reeking of alcohol and using the buddy system to make it to the keg because apparently one does not simply walk into an already over-crowded kitchen alone to get a drink.
As the parade of freshmen waltzed through the apartment to the keg, one freshman I recognized stopped to talk to someone I was in the middle of a conversation with. She screeched “oh my gooooddddd, Andrewwwwww!” Mind you, I was still speaking to Andrew, mid-sentence as a matter of fact. Andrew looked over at her (interrupting me) and said “Hey.” She then proceeded to give him the kind of hug you would only give your long lost brother who you hadn’t seen in 10 years. We get it freshman girl, everyone now knows that you personally knew someone at the party who you did not show up with. Congratulations.
Then, this same freshman girl proceeds to say, “I am so wasted right now!” Oh awesome freshman girl, you drink too? “Yeah we PREGAMED.” Ladies and Gentlemen, not only does she drink, she does it before she goes out. Total badass.
Needless to say, this party became really annoying really quickly. It turned into a bad version of “you know you’re a freshman when…” The moral of this story is directed to all freshmen. Freshmen: when you’re invited out to parties, you need to lay low, bring a plus one (not a plus 15) and stay college-classy. The reality is that no one likes you yet and no one will like you ever if you act like a freshman. I get it, everyone has to start somewhere, but the kegger in the Fairways that you probably were not invited to isn’t the place. Party etiquette rule No. 101: If you are a freshman, don’t be that freshman.
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I’m not sure if this is supposed to be humor, but it certainly isn’t funny. Indeed, it’s rather insulting to the many new students on this campus who are only trying to navigate a new environment and their new found freedoms.
I think the REAL lesson here is; if you’re a freshman steer clear of judgmental, boring people like this…
Oh, how horrible. Showing up to a party and acting your age. When a freshman shows up, can you automatically tell they are freshman? That must be your ‘spidey’ sense kicking in columnist. I’ve been to parties where seniors act worse than a two year old. Senior girls that can’t handle their liquor and start crying to their friends about why so-and-so hates them, or gave them dirty looks…or senior boys, not men, get shit-faced drunk and piss their beds. Ah yes, party antics of the young and stupid.
This being the first week of school and all, the most important thing to learn is proper party behavior. Wait, I forgot, I’m in college to waste money, get a fake id, go to shitty parties, possibly get laid, and finish my night off by getting wasted. That’s my only goal here.
My question to you, columnist, will you require a shower before the party? I mean, you did state you don’t shower everyday in your first column…so I’m wondering if personal hygiene is a factor for your parties. Smell is the second thing a person notices.
1). Freshmen reading this, first point to remember, don’t act like Colleen. Be yourself. $50 says she goes to parties and acts the way she just told you not to act.
2). Don’t be fooled because one idiot, said columnist, is hating on you because of your age. You can’t help that any more than she can help her alcoholic ‘guidelines’.
3). Parties are meant to be fun. Enjoy yourself. You’re in a new environment, away from what you know, so feel free to socialize with whomever you like (especially if you recognize them). If you see Colleen, interrupt her as much as you can…because she’s probably talking about shoes, or her ‘cute’ VS PINK sweats she wore to the party, trying to make a statement that she’s an upper-classman and she’s allowed to look trashy.
I think this article is in great taste! You’re sense of humor is very relevant right now. Maybe one day you’ll be the Jenna Marbles of Towson. It’s better to make fun of potential actions than things that people can’t change.
It’s funny when someone steps back and analyzes the most basic of things… like “the Freshman”. When I read the article, I never saw it as blind hatred based on age, just witty anger and humor directed towards a certain “type” of freshman . They clearly can’t help what year they are, but they can probably do their best to skip the very real life decisions they made.
I wish someone would have ripped that lanyard off my fucking neck and told me not to show up at a party two four lokos in!!! AMEN COLLEEN, YOU GO!! I don’t think anyone it is directed to will be offended, they probably playing “Hey Mr!!” outside of York Liquors instead of reading an article.
I’m not sure how any of this is witty. Wit requires a careful turn of phrase.
All this is is complaining about Freshmen. It’s shallow and trite.
I see pieces of myself freshman year in her article. It’s funny because it’s true. It’s an article that combines so many of our observations and stories. The humor might not translate to all audiences, but it’s not even that offensive. I guess our standards are different. Last time I checked, the article was titled “Colleen Calls It: Freshmen etiquette 101″, not “Rainbows and Sunshine”. In other words, you should probably pick more meaningful battles! You might actually get somewhere.
Keep WRITING COLLEEN!
Colleen must have awesome supportive parents with all these “Student” comments.
STOP WRITING COLLEEN!
TU Grad Student is right. This is an insult to new students. Do you think they all just want to make fools of themselves by “…getting completely obliterated and dancing to something by LMFAO and some parties you attend simply to find a random hook-up for the night.” ??
Or is that just for the “in” crowd? Well, I would not want to associate with that crowd.
Freshmen should not be drinking unless they’re 21. Too bad the Towerlght merely gives a wink to an article like this that promotes underage drinking and risky sexual behavior.
My advice to freshmen – keep your nose in your books and ignore people like Colleen. You will need every bit of help getting a job after college. Going to “keggers” and acting like a moron is not going help you to that goal. Work hard now and enjoy the lasting benefits later in life.
The moral of this story is directed to all freshmen – don’t be a dweeb by getting “faced” just to fit in with other dweebs. Go along with Colleen’s advice but take it a step further, don’t go to the types of parties mentioned in this “article”.
Too bad we have to waste print on cra*p like this.
Freshmen NOT drinking? Yeah, because that’s realistic. I’m thinking someone either commuted or did not take full advantage of their college experience. Why don’t you try taking a drive down York road at 2AM on any given school night (because freshmen are clearly are WAY too cool for classes the next morning) and see how that works out for you. We refer to that as Freshman Frogger. I’m glad that someone else can seem to capture the epitome of the college freshman. To all you haters: you don’t have to read it. It’s not that complicated. Try doing something more productive with your time since this publication doesn’t seem to be up to your “caliber”.
#takeyourownadvice #letsgrowuppeople
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