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March, IMOLW’s favorite month, has arrived

12 March 2014 By Justin Manry, Columnist No Comments

March is just my kind of month.

Now usually I don’t play favorites with such things as days of the week (in fact, if someone could please put that “hump dayyyy” camel out of his misery, I would be much obliged), or specific years (such as each and every year the world is supposed to end), or different months (such as Black History month vs. Hispanic American Heritage Month). I reserve playing favorites for my future children, when Yolando Kristofer Manry will be my favorite, hands down, and my wife will just have to deal with it…

But March holds a special place in my heart. Maybe it’s because St. Patrick’s Day is my birthday, and so I get to celebrate my entrance into the world on the very day that St. Patrick himself declared everyone must wear green and celebrate Irish traditions such as getting as completely drunk as humanly possible. And for some reason there’s pinching involved…

March is also traditionally the time when college students get out on “Spring Break,” or as I like to call it, “time for you to ignore all the projects professors assigned so you could ‘work on them over spring break’ until Sunday night at approximately midnight.” So that’s fun.

Anyways, besides the obvious fact that all of you out there reading this wonderful publication called The Towerlight should send me gifts (my address is available upon request and a pinky swear that you won’t stalk me), and the joys of spring break, my birthday month makes me happy for another reason: March Madness.

Now for those of you non-sports fans out there, and those of you sports fans who are stuck up and only follow British sports such as soccer (“football”) and that game that sort of looks like baseball but less fun (“cricket”), March Madness is the name we true sports fans give to the greatest tournament known to man: the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament.

So if you’re reading this and have not been introduced to the goodness that is March Madness, let me give you some basics.

First, you have to fill out what’s called a bracket. Basically all the teams in the tournament are broken down with the games they will be playing, and you guess which one will win each game, usually picking by colors or if the animal on which their mascot is based could beat the other team’s mascot in a fist fight.

And this year, the stakes are a bit higher, since Warren Buffet (not to be confused with Jimmy Buffet) is offering the fan with a completely perfect bracket $1 billion. That is why my advice here is so critical. So listen closely: when you are filling out your bracket this year… pick Towson to win it all. I don’t care if they don’t even make it to the tournament (which will be decided this weekend), I can guarantee you by some twist of fate every other team will get disqualified and Towson will win the whole thing by default.

Now some of you who actually want to win a billion dollars are skeptical. I can hear you saying “Now Justin, isn’t your bias as a Towson student skewing your journalistic integrity and rendering your advice unsound?” And to that I say “Of course it is! I bleed black and gold! But that has more to do with my rare blood disorder than school pride! GO TOWSON!!”

Ahem, excuse me. Other things you should know about the tournament are as follows: If you are a professor in a large lecture hall, and several male students are on their laptops during the month of March, you can assume they’re streaming tournament games live and not hearing a word of your lecture on the rise of Industrialism in 19th century Europe. Also, if you’re a male who isn’t interested at all in sports, you can expect other males to assume you are and insist on discussing basketball with you at length. I suggest using words like “the zone” and “three-pointers” and “fastbreak,” which will make those friends believe you have actually taken an interest in the sport of basketball.

Anyhow, the point of all this is that March is an amazing month, the only real downside being Daylight Savings Time, but everybody already knows how big a jerk Ben Franklin was, so I don’t have to gripe about that for any longer than I already have.

Have a great spring break everybody! The random thought of the week is this: If you’re a jockey, and an opposing steed passes away right before a big race starts, the honorable thing would be to withdraw from that race entirely. You wouldn’t want to beat a dead horse…

Animals are people too,

party people.

Signing off for now,

Justin Samuel Manry


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