Where is the Idiot Now?

4/30/09 12:41 PM

My apologies to you Idiots. I have been hella-busy these past few days. In fact, I'm updating this blog during class. I'm sure everyone is under the end-of-the-semester-crunch right now, as I am, but not everyone is an Idiot, as I am. It takes a little more for me to get by, by the skin of my teeth. Who am I kidding Your A Idiot two [sic, you f*ckin' knucklehead]. In case anyone hasn't been paying attention, the Swine Flu is going around. And I got it from an unfortunate encounter with a pulled-pork BBQ sandwich. She told me that I didn't need to worry and that I'd be safe. Bitch! But prior to getting Swine Flu, I was already infected with the Avian Flu. The doctors say that I now have a mutated strain of both sicknesses. I have Flying Pig Flu. It's not so... 2 comments

Your A Idiot After Tigerfest

4/27/09 3:30 AM

One of my greatest pleasures in life, next to orgasms and ice cream, is learning new things. Learning of an orgasm inducing ice cream would be my greatest achievement, but that has not happened, yet. Aside from dairy-dessert related opportunities for new knowledge, I enjoy the daily tidbits of information that I normally gather. This past weekend I learned a few new things that I think would be best to share with my readers out there in Idiotland (I bet you just learned that you live in Idiotland). My mind is a trap for new information, and luckily for you I participate in a catch-and-release program, and I will be releasing the best of my brand new brain-wrinkles onto you. 1.    I am likely not going to be drafted into the NFL. I have annually declared for the... 2 comments

Your A Idiot at Tigerfest

4/23/09 1:00 AM

Tigerfest is this Saturday and I hope that all of you idiots are prepared for the clusterf*ck that will ensue. I can be sure that quite a few stupid things will both be done and said. Herein lies the stupidity. There is quite a discrepancy between what people say at Tigerfest, and what people actually mean. Here are some examples. What is said:         Natty Boh is the greatest beer ever!                What is meant:     I've never tasted any other brand of beer. S:     I'm really thirsty.                            M:     I'm really... 1 comment

Totally Lazy Tuesday V - The Idiot Strikes Back

4/22/09 12:00 AM

I'm getting dogged in my commenting areas left and right. Time for some puppy love.   Malfunctioning Poodle   Dog screaming "Elmo!"   This kind of thing used to be legal!   Damn dude, what did you eat?   Sleep-running   Poor pug : (   Odie loves you! Triple Pug Hilt Tilting Extreme Pug, not so extreme music   We tried to get him fixed, but he's still malfunctioning. ... 2 comments

Rain, Redskins, and Rubbers

4/21/09 12:09 AM

Your A Idiot... If you enjoyed the weather today. May I be a populist for a moment? F*ck this rain. This rain is lame. It is lamer than a wallet chain, and definitely lamer than getting some brain. Enough with these sh*tty rhymes of man; I’ll leave that crap to Soulja Boy and Johnny Cochran. “If it’s wet, it must be a crepe suzette.” – Johnny Cochran, 2009 I’m just playing, he couldn’t possibly of said that. Not because I highly doubt that Cochran ever enjoyed the deliciousness that is a crepe, but because he’s actually dead. I’m sure that he would have much more likely of said something like, “If it’s wet, smoke that ass like it’s a cigarette.” To which, one would have to question Mr.... 2 comments

The Blunt Reality of 420

4/19/09 8:12 PM

Your A Idiot… if you don’t know what today is. Are you high right now? Awwwwww! I’m telling. Are you paranoid yet? You should be. Fillmore, the drug-sniffing K-9, is standing right behind you. And he wants a hit, that cheap bitch. I’m just kidding. Fillmore is a dude, so he can’t be a bitch. Also he sniffs his drugs, so he’s much more likely to be into the white stuff. Somehow I just insinuated that Fillmore is both an illegal narcotics user and a racist. Meh, one of those notions is probably true, take your pick. This is all in jest of course, because we all know that if you were going to get baked, you probably wouldn’t come to campus, and you probably wouldn’t want to read The Towerlight. Seriously, this paper is trippy. Just... 9 comments

Procrastion: Read This Now! Or Later, It's Meh

4/16/09 2:08 AM

Your A Idiot... if you do anything with time to spare. Where is the thrill in that? I mean, aside from the fact that you can relax knowing that you actually have time to relax. I do some of my best work at the very last moment. This will not be one of those occasions of course, but that doesn’t detract from other completed works. I need to feel as if I’m in a pressure situation in order to perform well (or at all). Otherwise I just think to myself, “Hmm… What possibly more entertaining thing could I be doing instead?” This is not to say that I don’t sometimes (read: rarely) get things out of the way in order to free up time in the future. That is usually only for things that I enjoy though. Going to a concert? I buy that sh*t the minute... 2 comments

Totally Lazy Tuesday IV - I Think I Fight the Commies in This One

4/15/09 12:00 AM

Let the commenting begin...

2 comments

I'm AMPed Up!

4/14/09 12:01 AM

I think that I may have an addiction. And it’s not one of the awesomely fun addictions like pornography or heroin. I use the most widely abused drug in the world. No, it’s not Nutella (that sh*t is good though, try it). It's caffeine. Tea is the second most popular drink in the world behind water. Yeah, it’s ahead of beer! Who would of thought that a stimulant would be widely used than a depressant? I got my start in the world of caffeine by mixing the two. I was not allowed to drink Coke (that means cola for you southerners) as a child because it had caffeine. That was fine by me though because most sodas with caffeine tasted like crap; colas, Mountain Dew, Jolt. It was when I reached college and I began to drink alcohol (strictly legally of course) when I... 8 comments

Gon' 2 Grammer Skool

4/13/09 12:07 AM

Your A Idiot… if you haven’t gotten the joke yet. I have been writing Your A Idiot for nearly a month now. It is finally starting to rub my ass in Old Bay that people are failing to get the joke. It is often understood that if you have to explain a joke, then the joke is probably not funny. To admit such would suggest that I am the failure in this relationship. Wrong! If I have to explain the joke to you, that is a poor reflection of your ability to process simple humor. And trust me, this humor is the simplest. “Simple humor, for simple people,” that’s what I’ve always said. Actually, that’s the first time I’ve ever used that phrase, but that is beside the point. So what if I’m insulting my audience? You should have gotten the damn... 5 comments